loneliness

I know this is a somewhat recurring theme for me, but it seems to be pervasive and I'd like to open discussion on it. I just posted the question on Twitter but I rarely get replies there. So I thought I'd blog a bit as well and see if anything bubbles up.

The thing is, I love working alone. I need the solitude for concentration. Whether I'm working on a legal matter or writing fiction or even blog posts, the best focus comes when there aren't other people around to distract me.

That isn't exclusive to home workers though. When I worked with a firm, I was alone in my office. The big difference was that when I needed a break or wanted to ask someone else's opinion or just wanted someone to have lunch with, there were people just steps outside my door with the same needs. Even when I moved my practice primarily to a home office, I could reconnect with the firm by driving into the office and there was always someone who needed to talk to me, either another lawyer or an admin or someone.

And then there were children to add to the mix, which by nature of the beast brings you in contact a) with their own miniature person selves and b) other parents just as desperate for an adult voice. You don't realize it while you are caught up in the raising of children just how much human contact you have, until you get to this lovely point in life: the empty nest.

When I was younger, I always envisioned going back to the office when the kids were gone. But even if I wanted to, you know, shed the love of comfortable clothes and give up my availability to walk dogs and accept deliveries any time, it is a rare office that wants to hire a woman of a certain age, and a rarer woman of a certain age who's had independence and can envision giving it up to have a "boss."

But that doesn't deal with the loneliness. Is it really part of the trade off?